Tossing and Turning.

All last night my body wretched itself across the bed, convulsing and snorting myself into a half-consciousness. I awoke at five thirty, my eyes bulging and nonreactive to the short time I had to sleep in the night. I dreamt, as always, but much more vividly then normal. I saw a familiar face, a face who's name dwells in the back of my subconsciousness. I can't recall the name, but the face, the face kept me awake all morning. I've only seen her twice, but for whatever reason the second time I saw her I can't get the image out of my skull.

I know where she works, I know the job she does because I've done it, I know I'm attracted to her, but nothing else. I can't tell if this is just another stupid boyish crush or potentially something more yet, I haven't even really spoke to her; and to be frank, I'm not sure I have the balls to do it. I want to, I want to more than anything right now. I'm so goddamn sick of being alone, I want to meet someone so badly it hurts in the bottom of my chest. I just don't know how I'd do it?

Do I phone her workplace, asking about her and when she might work? I know people talk and she'd probably be informed some creep was asking about her, so when I showed and tried to present myself I'd come off more of a stalker or some sort of major loser than anything else. I've got a plan to get in the theatre, acting like a projectionist from another theatre there to repair a piece of equipment. I'd ask her to escort me, first getting the name of the projectionist and manager so I could name drop so the story would seem legitimate. Then, once I had a brief moment of solitude with her, confess my real intentions and ask her to dinner. Of course, this would expose me to the rest of the staff and presumably, her friends, so if this backfired she would have a whole crew to shut me down in front of, which would just be a disaster.

Do I slip her a "gift certificate" with a confessional on it, simply stating how I'd be interested in seeing more of her? Do I phone and ask until I get her and then ask her to meet me somewhere?
Do I spy on her and find out when she's off and then "accidentally" run into her?

Everything I think of just sounds so creepy.

And once again, I question my own confidence to do any of the things I've thought of.

All I know is I'll have trouble sleeping until I try something. I know I'll have more trouble if I get shot down, but I always have to wonder.

Where the fuck has my backbone gone?

And I'm afraid, to sleep because of what haunts me. Such as, living with the uncertainty that I'll never find the words to say which would completely explain;
Just how I'm breaking down.