Sunday night, another week gone.

The thoughts and urge to go to the clubs and bars is overwhelming, I can almost feel an itch to get out and just meet someone, anyone, who shows interest in me. Someone to buy me a drink, someone to feel me sensually, to eyeball me.

Someone even just to notice me! All human beings thrive on positive attention but this is ridiculous, I feel like some sort of whore. Except I'm not doing anything. Yet.

The mirror is my bitch now. I can't not look at myself whenever I stride by, and it's never a single shot or pose, it's always some absurd pose or angle I put myself in, just to see if anything new that looks good has developed. I am proud of my body though, I've worked damn hard to look like this, and I think I deserve a bit of recognition for it. That's the justification I give myself for wanting SO much attention as of late.

I'm much more agressive now then I've ever really been. I'm constantly bickering, picking odd fights, putting myself in a position to get in a fight. It's weird, I've always been like the most zen motherfucker out there, or at least trying to shy away from conflict, but as soon as you put on a bit of muscle you're out there being a dick. And I almost enjoy it?

Brain, come on man, what's the deal. Asides from being so bi-polar it's not even a fun game anymore, what are you doing up there?

This must just look like such a clusterfuck, some entries all down and sad, others pumping with adrenaline and such a cock-sure attitude I could punch myself and the next to a downer, woe is me bullshit.

I really need some more nightlife.