Love will keep us Alive

When it comes to cynical (Or critical, I get either alot) thinkers, I'm usually leading the charge into the face of optimism or wishful thinking. But my recent philosophy class left me a little shaken with a hint of thoughtful.

The thought that Love might just be chemicals in your brain being released to certain triggers a man/women gives off doesn't sit well. I understand it, I believe it, but I don't like it. I've always envisioned Love to be much much more than that, not just occytosin or dopamine being released (Dopamine by the way is the same chemical that is triggered through sex, cocaine or other forms of happiness or getting high...Ugh). Love is something that doesn't just make you high or crazy, it's not something that when the Love is gone you want to kill yourself, Love is...

I'd be an idiot to think I could know how to describe Love. The greatest philosophers in the world have all come up with terms, arguments and theories that have been widely accepted around the world. I bet if I could talk all fancy and expand my mind the way they do, I would put a verbal fuckin' smackdown on those weiners-but I can't. So since this is my blog and those bitches aren't around to talk trash, I'll write my PHD theories on this bad boy.

It's certainly been awhile since I've felt the genuine feelings for someone and really had myself stumbling over my every sentence. There has been some blips on the radar here and there, there has been people which make me nervous and sweat over stupid shit and there definitely has been girls I've found myself attracted to not only in a purely physical way. What I haven't had is a combination of all of the above.

This is strictly personal, so who knows what the universal is mind you. I remember meeting all of the girls I would say I've Loved in the past, and not a single one would immediately get me excited. In fact, first impressions were pretty standard. Another girl, decent looking, a solid 6-7 on the hotness scale. What really engaged me was the talk, within a couple of awkward minutes I began to open up and begin to get a laugh. As soon as the laughter came, that's when I knew. Every single time. After a couple hours of conversation, things began to change. Features began to become smoother, blemishes began to become features and imperfections began to become fascinations.

It didn't take long for these women to become steadily more attractive and personalities to become riveting, almost like a book that needed to be read and understood. Sex suddenly became a possibility, never a foremost thought or an obsession but a growing desire that seemed to burn inside. A passion for another persons body and the innate curiosity to explore, touch, feel and learn.

All of these feelings are so distant. All of these memories are so tragic and none have ended the way I would ever have hoped for. There is a fondness in remembering, but there is a bitter taste at the end of every sentence that won't leave my lips. I want that fondness back without the aftertaste.

We are made from Chemicals, but what holds us together is much more than that. You are strong, so much stronger than me all along- 'cause you are everything and I am nothing.