Well you've become predictable

I was just yanking you about the threesome thing. I mean it might still be in the works, but knowing me I won't be able to write about until I do something totally crazy/wrong/awesome so we'll keep holding our breath on that. "Why would I want to have a threesome, so I can disappoint two women at once?" Hah! I Love that quote.

I've gone back to wishing for my long lost womenhood.

If anything, my womanizing skills have gone up lately. I've made a ton of new galfriends but none of them hold any lasting or special potential. I can't help but think that in a few years I'll just be another face somewhere hidden on their Facebook profile when they're smiling at me, and while this is surely the case for most if not all friends met during college this still eats at me deep down. I wish I could make some really true girlfriends, I have so few. The few I have either just want to fuck my brains out (Woe is me, right?), only want to see me when I'm drunk or don't bother trying to hold up a decent conversation.

I may come off sounding like the worlds largest faggot to roam the Earth here, but I don't see this as healthy. I don't have sex with other women and haven't had sex with a (different) women since High school, they've all been throwbacks or almost/just abouts/you're too fat for this lady. I honestly believe healthy/one night stands are good for you and help you grow; my maturity and understanding of what women like, want and understanding has gone through the roof but I still get all nervous about sexual interaction. In fact, it downright terrifies me.

I've had (A few, I'm not that much of an arrogant asshole so settle down) girls from across the bar throw themselves at me and I've gone home alone when I could have gone home with two girls or one very cute one because I'm nervous about such trivial shit. When I hear about all these girlfriends of mine sick and tired of meeting 3-4 guys a night it's all I can do to keep my jaw closed and not falling all over the fucking floor. This guy wants to buy your booze for the night and get you drunk, is willing to put up with whatever drivel bullshit you want to talk about just for the chance of smelling what's under that miniskirt and if you say no will probably fuck off back to his friends without an ounce of shame-for every man knows what it's like to be rejected and be given nothing in return for his hard work.

Sweet Jesus I wish I could do that.

No money, effort or any sort of worry involved. If nobody does come up to me or I'm an ugly as fuck girl, whatever. I can always just dance, throw my hair around on the dance floor and grind with other girls because that's still socially acceptable and fun. I know tons of girls that don't even pre-drink or bother getting drunk just because they can either get drunk from horny rich dudes or just have fun dancing with friends. I have to pass half a bottle before I start thinking about getting behind, in front or even beside a girl-despite how well my latest gym endeavors and jiu-jitsu have been going.

I've always had this massive ego and a horrendous self-consciousness I manage to conceal from everyone. What a stupid mix.

I kissed a girl and I liked it!