What do I want?

You'd think for once when something went my way I'd just be happy about it.

I was at the bar last night for a hypnotist show, which was alright at best. Two weeks ago I got hypnotized by the same guy and I wanted to watch the show this time and see other people do stupid shit like have "orgasms" and tell the hypnotists mic to call him Tyrone while he fucked her.

Anyways, I was hanging out in the bar waiting for my roommate to get out of the bathroom when one of the girls who had gotten hypnotized last night came up to me and said she saw me when I was on stage. She proceeded to tell me how funny I was, how much fun it was, and then introduced me to her friend. She told me I should stay and party with them, which I was a little skeptical of because I'm so dirty broke it's insane. She said I should get really drunk with her and her friend, which they were both pretty insistent on. I told them no I really couldn't afford it and I was ready to go home, so eventually they said bye and went back to the dance floor.

Of course, my roommate had come back and seen all of this and told me to take off my moron helmet and get in there. He then proceeded to leave and told me just to try it, I can always leave but I don't get many chances like that.

So I stayed. I grabbed a beer and headed back out, which both chicks were ecstatic about. As soon as I started dancing I could tell they were both pretty drunk, which when I'm stone cold sober is always a turn off. The next thing I couldn't help but notice was the way they were grinding on me and making out with each other...

The friend kept pulling me in between the two of them, clearly trying to feel my cock the whole time. The other one kept mouthing things to me, running her nails down my back, feeling my chest, rubbing my arms.

Have I mentioned ever that those are all some of my biggest turn ons? Every single one of those drives me absolutely wild and gets me going instantly. Seriously, reading the words gets me a little excited.

No joke, I could have mentioned off-handedly we should go back to my house and I could of had these girls wrapped around my dick in a heartbeat. Both were ready to go, and both were totally cool with the whole promise of sharing a bed.

A weird thing happened when I was dancing though. As I looked around, I couldn't help but notice all of the other women in the club and how much more I wanted each and every single one of them. Both these girls were Asian and maybe a six out of ten in hotness; BUT COME THE FUCK ON! WHO CARES! It's a fucking threesome! How do you say no to it!

Well I did. I walked out on them after about half an hour of absolute filthy dancing, girl on girl action and went home alone.

I'd like to say it's integrity but I also have to contribute it to a few other things.

1.) If I was drunker, this would have been a no brainer. I probably would have skipped the dance floor and just hopped a bus with them.

2.) My blond assassin. Ever since that day when she came and I wasn't able to get it up for her, I haven't been able to get her out of my head. (Read about her here- http://musethisbitch.blogspot.com/2009/08/blond-assassin.html) Whenever I'm with a random now the very first thing that I have to think of is "Will I be able to go?" I realize that she was something much, much more than some randomass girl in a club but it still scares the beJesus out of me thinking that might happen again.

3.) There was a level on integrity. I'll take an ounce of credit and say that I did think it was wrong to try and milk this sort of thing; although I would definitely say the bigger parts were played by the much drunker girls and Grace.

This whole thing has really got me thinking alot. I want to talk to someone to talk to about this, but who the fuck can you trust with information like this?

I think I might actually try and go to her with it. It's not like we've talked since or anything.

I was never about this, never about this low.