Happy 100th, Musings!

Happy 100 posts to me! It may come off as lame, but I'm scoring this one as an achievement for sticking to it and continuing to blog and get all that shit I need off my chest.

I really hate going home.

I Love Victoria BC! I always thought I would hate the city but it turns out I Love the smaller city, it's an amazing and happening place to live. But what really strikes me as odd is that no matter where you go, people are always saying the same things. "There's nothing to do here!"

I come from a small town where all there is to do is drugs, alcohol or sit around and game like crazy. So when I moved to the big city full of clubs, pool halls, pools, squash courts, fields, strip clubs, gyms, and everything else and someone tells me that this city is too small and there's nothing to do I'm a little shocked. People seem to be more and more attention deficit and harder and harder to please, needing higher stimulus and subsequently expensive things to keep themselves remotely entertained for a short while.

It turns out it just matters it's the people you're with.

When I went home for the weekend I couldn't find someone that actually wanted to be around me. I got told they were "busy" doing "top secret" things and wasn't invited. Turns out they were blowing up balloons for a friends party. Going out for dinners that was strictly "BFF's" only. Or just sitting around in a group watching Tv together, without me mind you. When I did get to friends, they sat around and played video games like they were before I got there or continued to watch TV.

Now, I really don't think I'm super special and need to be babied or given more attention when I'm around people, but when I haven't seen someone for a few months I would think they would want to converse or ask what's going on with me. Turns out they would rather keep doing what they've been doing since I was gone and that is play video games or get drunk.

I'm not invited to anything but drinking parties. I get the impression that in a few years time when they start to get married and I show up at the wedding I'll be nothing more than a shit disturber to them, someone who's a rowdy drunk or loud and obnoxious. Well of course I am, but is that the only side you want to get to know of me? It seems like it. I won't know these people in a few years and they'll continue to live and go off with their own little groups to do ridiculously fun things without me like they always have.

So I guess I'm going to stop going home. I sat around trying to do something with people and instead waited around all day to go to a drama-filled, boring ass and poorly planned birthday party. Fuck those guys. At least here people text me asking me to do things, actually wanting to hang out with me and then supplementing the evenings with alcohol as a side thought instead of focusing everything around it.

If people want to see me, they should have to come to me. I'm tired of going out on a limb for no reason at all. I want to be wanted. I want to be desired. I want to be remembered for my company and personality, not the funny drunk one.

Happy 100 to me. I hope I'm ushering in yet another era for myself.