Satisfaction rears its unfamiliar head.

Although it's Friday and I'm stuck home alone due to a serious of unfortunate events Against Me! (I Love that band?) I'm not unhappy about it.

Cinco De Mayo was a total blast even if all I did was basically get manhandled all night and shoot for a pickup line involving cat noises. I had so much fun and so many of my suspicions were confirmed: I can be the top dog now. I may not be the biggest or strongest, but that's unreasonable to think right now. I was dominating the dance floor all night and people flocked to be around and dancing.

The amount I thought I would enjoy my dirty little fantasies was a little subdued, however. I frequently think of how amazing that sort of thing would be and now that it happened I was a little unimpressed. The skanky girls were nice but wore off quickly, I didn't need that sort of thing to confirm my already developing thoughts of my looks. I'm only getting better and smarter now, so this was definitely just the beginning of my so called 'career.' I'm really not that excited about it anymore, but it's still has promise.

I feel shallow and petty about it all, but it's just the exultation of being in the limelight. I may as well bask in it, I've earned it.

Another point of thought though. Last night I was out and drinking again and had just as much as I did at Cinco. Alcohol has become a total mood enhancer, I don't even need a party anymore. I need a few people to flock and party around and I'm set, the stage is mine and I can act out as much as my little heart desires. This last month has been a blast for that, I've really developed my drinking 'skills' and tastes, if there is such a thing.

So I don't necessarily need to be surrounded by women to get my kicks as I may have thought earlier, which comes as a little bit of a surprise. Even the alcohol thing hasn't been as necessary as usual, which I think I can attribute to my work ethics.

I'm back on track with progress, my stomach is fading and my pecks coming in strongly (Except for like three shirts, in which my tits poke out and over like hella...) and yes, that is possible. The bar was an obvious boost, who doesn't like getting manhandled like that? Asides girls of course. And all those people who think that's just sick, but fuck y'all. I was on fire.

Although I've decided to wait awhile before I get any tattoos on my arms or chest in time to have them develop a little more I've come up with an idea I'm really stoked about for my left arm. It's more a less a sleeve, going down a little past my album and stopping on my forearm. Here's what I've come up with, if I could draw I'd post the idea I have, but since I can't I'll give it a shot at what I have in mind.

It would start at the very top of my shoulder, the very edge of the design creeping up and around my shoulder and thin lines edging to my shoulder blades. The top would be a human heart, but not just the simple design; like the actual human heart in detail. I don't need all the veins but it needs all the ventricles and major arteries out of it, the heart and arteries starting to wrap around my arm. However, instead of veins and arteries, clamp an iron band around the ends of them and add some very defined bolts. From here change the regular veins to pipelines running out and around my arm. In between each pipeline have a rising cityscape in the background with various types of flowers and greenery growing in front and around the pipes to add some colour to otherwise very black white and grey scenery. At the end of the pipes and landscape have the pipes connect on the front of my forearm and have them spilling waste into an ocean which wraps around the rest of my forearm and spills onto the back of my wrist.

On the heart have several metal casings surrounding it, adding a shade effect of black and red throughout the heart. Have several stitches and open sores on the heart with black blood leaking out. All the industrial backgrounds should have smoke pouring up and out with the smoke slowly changing colours to toxic purples and greens that continue to snake up my shoulder.

The symbolic meaning behind everything is pretty simple, really. I wear my heart on my sleeve and this is an obvious representation, the wounds and sores are past experiences of mine that are healing or still open. They could also be wounds in the future. The cityscape is a fascination of mine with human culture and the way we build and live, the pollution an open criticism of the way we live as people. The floral decorations would be for colour mostly but represent my Love of nature and all things beautiful in it. The sea would show my west coast side and Love of water, it would also leave it open for an addition of a boat or something on the water.

I'm really stoked on this, but it'll still be some time. I think it rounds out my character very nicely.

I'm excited about my next workout for the first time in awhile.