After careful consideration

Goddamn do I hate having to actually know a thing about myself. I knew exactly how I would react.

At first I actually thought the whole thing was pretty funny. I was strolling around the house chuckling to myself about how much of a bitch it's going to be not having the only girl I've ever had stand by me and always had to run to whenever I'm down and out. I was literally laughing at my future self. What an asshole.

Next I kind of soured up and got the bitterness of the whole situation in my throat. I just kind of sat there, still laughing ruefully occasionally with my roommate about something dumb or trivial (I forget) until I actually got mad.

We had people over for a "scary movie night" which consisted of the worlds shittiest and so not fucking scary it made me shit my pants out of raw and utter boredom: Drag Me to Hell. I literally bitched the movie to death. They turned it off and changed over to Black Swan, which was alright except for the part where Natalie Portman is doing sexy shit. That's amazing.

There's a couple standouts about this whole dumb scenario.

1.) Why is it that I feel the all-consuming need to be with another person? I've been single for three years at this point. I've been happy and moving leaps and bounds in my personal life and maturity, why do I feel the need to always have someone there with me?

2.) The only person who's really stood by my mistreatment, insecurities, phyiscal appearance, changing attitudes wants nothing to do with me now that I've bettered all of those things. That's a scary thought. If she doesn't, who the fuck does? And why do I care?

I guess it's about time I go to the gym. Overcompensation is a wonderful and brlliant way to deal with emotional stress.