Feelings of Old

I'm beginning to feel my heart tug at me again for the first time in a very long time.

It was after I had been driving for something like six hours, I was on the drive home from a fucking amazing but sunburnt filled camping trip a few days ago when I realized how empty the house would be when I got home.

And all of a sudden, school and going back to the city and surrounded by women again seemed daunting and unappealing. I wished I could have stayed out where there is no such thing as laptops or cell phone reception, or even the people that I want to see but know won't call won't be around for me to dream about.

I wished for a warm house and a warm smile, a knowing look on her face as my craggy and unshaven features enter the room with weary but lustful eyes. I wished for someone that wanted my company and wanted to ask me what I thought of every little thing, someone to run her fingers over my shoulders as I got into bed.

I'm over it mostly. I can still hear old pillow talk conversations in my bed before I sleep sometimes, and I'm beginning to have trouble sleeping again. Time away from the gym and more time spent grinding out theories, hypothesise and the start of what seems like an endless torrent of history papers doesn't wear me out. I'm just too poor to afford going to a decent gym anymore. My budget for food has plummeted, and I'm a little worried on where I'm going to get next months rent from.

I wish the summer was over and I could say I had the time of my life. I wish it was October and the rains were coming, along with the wind and clouds.

But it's still summer and who knows how it might turn out. Chamberlain Waits by the Menzingers has fueled my last two weeks, infiltrating every thought and every spare moment. What an amazing album.

Please, seat yourself; usher of times won't recognize you.