I'm tired of being shot down. I'm even more tired of putting myself out there only to watch people twist away from me.

It's time like these I wish violence could solve something and I could just smash my way through this. Ugh. Masculine thoughts.

Things have changed, forever.

I was talking to a friend from high school and he remarked how much I had changed.

I looked up and said "Oh totally, I'm a different person."

He wasn't saying I was nicer, thinner, fatter, more punk rock or just a poser now; he thought I was like a totally different person entirely. He hadn't changed a bit, he was still smoking pot everyday and taking a college course for creative writing with no job.

I'm not trying to bash him or myself, but I thought about it, and I was totally cool with it. I'm happy about my "new" self to some people, and I'm happy I've changed.

Change in a person is not a bad thing, it is necessary. Would you want to hang out with a person if they just told the same story every single time? Laughed the exact same way every day? Only impressed you in one dimension? I sure wouldn't. I'd be bored to tears. They way people constantly shift and change is part of life-an even better term is evolution.

If people didn't evolve and change we never would have made it as a species. If the first people had stayed in caves in small groups and never started agriculture or cities we would just be another animal on the planet, undoubtedly controlled by another species of carnivore or the changing of the seasons. Some people would say we need to go back to those times and we were better off, but unfortunately those folks are inbred retards. As "evolved" as we are we wouldn't last anymore, as a race we've grown soft and our bodies have adapted to a higher standard of living. We simply would die out without grocery stores. And besides, those times were tens of thousands of years ago: grow the fuck up.

It's not bad if you're changing for the better. If you're happier and feel better about yourself, change every day of the week. Spike your hair up one day and wear a leather jacket with your purple tights the next; who gives a fuck? It is your life to live and make the best of.

Don't be afraid of what's around that corner.

We're the ramblin' boys of pleasure...

Redneckin' it.

Following my recent trend of things I'd like to be, I want to be a hick.

I wish I was born with a brain with no interest in scholarly shit. I wish I was 80% muscle, 20% beer. I'd live out in the boonies with my pals, drink beer all the time, and just rip around in my jacked up '83 Ford. Me and my friends would work at our dads auto-wrecking/towing business in a place that needs it. I'd have cardinal knowledge of all kinds of cars, and my biggest concerns would be my truck, my buddies, and having beer for the weekend. I'd fuck all those hot redneck sluts every weekend, everyone would be jealous of my massive arms and even bigger truck. I wouldn't care about the world, school, earning money, the enviorment, politics, or history.

It would be a simple life, and personally I would hate it if I moved to that scenario. But if I was born into it and knew nothing else...Well that would be damn sweet.

Unfortunately, I care dearly about all of those things I wouldn't even know about. And I'm poor. With no job, or clear future in line. Bummer.

Oh, I'd totally dig country and Miley Cyrus too. Yuckk.

A small surge of unimportant but highly crucial improvements.

I've noticed a small improvement in life lately.

People have been taking much more notice of me, girls and guys alike have all of a sudden found me much more approachable and I've had the luck of having quite a few good conversations with relative strangers or people from class.

I've had several girls actually wanting to talk to me, wanting to make small talk, although none have actually wanted to make the jump to Facebook adding or phones yet. But as the title suggests, improvements are improvements.

I've become much more comfortable with my surroundings and myself because of the change in the last week. I feel better about myself, and with my diet at an all time high in nutrition and quality of food, I'm feeling good physically and mentally. Physically I've never looked better.

I just need to make connections now. Friendships, lasting impressions, a bonding.

Will this be a turnaround or just a crack in the wall? Who knows. Optimistic outlook right now, I'm going to try my best to work towards getting out and being more social.

My dad.

My dad came down Island today to hang out. We played squash and then had a few beers and just talked.

When I was younger and when my parents seperated, my dad was always my hero. I guess my mom felt the need to play the bad guy, so it was always my dad coming to the rescue on eating my gross veggies at the table or helping me with my homework. Whenever my mom yelled at me, my dad would always go calm me down or just explain why they were mad at me. This isn't to say my mom was a villian, all kids get yelled at and have to eat their greens; my dad was just the one who made it a little bit easier.

Now that I'm twenty and living on my own, he's still my hero sneaking stuff under the table for me. Whenever I'm around he gives me money and offers me whatever I might need. He basically pays my rent and anytime I have school fees he's always writing a cheque. I don't even ask, he just comes around and does it for me. If I ever need a place to stay, he'll always offer his house. When I am home he always offers to pay me for heavy lifting and help on his house renovations.

I really do Love my dad, but at times I hate when he comes down. I hate that he has to leave and we can't just hang out and talk, or even just watch a hockey game together. It feels like whenever he comes and leaves my heart gets caught in my throat. I wish he lived next door and at night I could just come in with a six pack and catch up with him.

I feel like I owe my dad so much, but I don't ever have anything to offer him. I don't feel like I made him proud in sports, even though he said he never cared about that. I really hope that I do become a sucess one day, just so I can stand up and tell him that I owe it all to him. I really hope I have the money to take him to a hockey game, out on a cruise or even give him money for a vacation.

Thanks Pops. I hope one day I can show you through my own career how important you are to me.

Do you know who the Fuck I am?

If there's one thing wish I could just start hitting people for it would be over the amount I'm ignored.

I hate more than anything in the world when you're talking on Facebook or texting someone and they just stop or flat out ignore you. I understand that you may not want to talk to me right at that second, but that's the beauty of these things. You can leave, come back, and then say something when you do have time. There's no reason just to stop or whatever, you can comeback.

If you don't want to talk to me period, that's fine too. At least have the common courtesy to say you're busy or have to go, I'm not an idiot and understand that means you don't want to. If you did you'd talk to me again on your own time or make an effort.

But the simple fact is nobody does that. Everyone just stops, I've been catching up with old friends on Facebook lately and what would be mid-conversation they just stop. Asking about each others school, lives, personal stuff and then they walk away.

It gets under my skin so easily, and most people don't even know it. Alot of my exes do it frequently, I know for a fact Evelyn does it when we occasionally talk sometimes to try and get my goat. The little things that get you going.

What a lousy weekend.

Top 5 list of things I hate at the moment.

1.) Beautiful people that don't have to work for it at all. No gym, no eating right, sometimes even no makeup. This is mostly directed at the ladies.

2.) Couples. Happy couples. It makes me scowl everytime I see one.

3.) Online forums. Breeding ground for hyper-morons, I can never play nice and usually end up getting banned.

4.) My stomach. Seriously dude, I don't know what else I can do to make you fuck off.

5.) Having to shave all the time. When I was younger, I thought shaving was the coolest thing ever. Now that's its all over my face, crotch, and slowly spreading everywhere else it's just a nightmare.

However, I'm in a really good mood tonight. Maybe sometime I'll list what I like for a change.

...Nahhh.

Sweat baby, sweat baby sex is a Texas drought. Me and you do the kind of stuff only Prince would sing about.