I didn't keep my hands up last night.

My nose is so busted up it's incredible, I've never took a beating like that in my life. Mind you, I was raised in a sheltered Christian school, so it's not like I ever had the chance or the skills to even bother in High School. Taking your first ass kicking when you're nineteen is no fun. All you young 'uns, go out there and pick a fight now. You'll be better prepared and one step up the Darwin food chain.

The inside of my nose is so swollen up it's touching the outer wall of the other side, to breath through it I have to suck up a bunch of air then snort it out like some sort of handicapped pig. When I touch it or move it around I can feel my sinuses throughout my head, my upper lip feels like it's numb and swollen all the time. Whenever I move my nose around I can feel the canals in my ears tinge and ache.

Like no joke, it fucking sucks ass.

I'm going to go back and all, but I don't feel like I learned a hell of a lot. I knew what I was doing wrong, I wasn't moving my head enough and my hands were on either side of my head so I kept taking punches right down the middle. However, I was landing less punches then ever.

I'm improving and getting in better and better shape, but so is everyone else. Everyone else is getting stronger and figuring out strategies, I'm continuing to stick with what isn't working because everything I try tends to end with me shaking off little chirping birds.

I just don't think I'm learning quick enough and at the rate I'm moving, I won't have enough brain cells to learn anything past not shitting my pants.

On another note, I got accepted into University! I'm nineteen turning twenty so it's about fucking time, even though my course load is...different. Everyone I've told just asks me why, or what the hell I'm going to do with it. And truth be told, I don't honestly know. I'm doing it because I'm passionate about it and hungry to learn and start taking my life where I want it to be. Even if I don't know where this may take me or what I'll come out of it.

I'm taking Slavic studies, going to be studying all things Russian; including the language. Apparently it's the hardest language to learn so I've got my work cut out for me, since I'm a bad bad Canadian not knowing french. Fucking Quebecois.

My excitement isn't coming through as strong as I'd hope, but honestly my neck is so sore from getting hit and I'm having trouble breathing, so I'm going to cut this one short.

I saw a picture of me and Evelyn sitting together at graduation. I hadn't seen it in nearly a year now. My heart still flutters at how strikingly beautiful she is, I wish I had made the day more special for her.

I dreamt all night of sailing into nothingness and staying there.