Am I happy, just extremly bipolar?

Yay.

I had a really amazing day.

I woke up early to dig, but I enjoyed it. I worked up a sweat but had a good time doing it, I felt active and alive; connected with the shovel and for the first time in awhile not thrown into a situation that put me off balance. It was all straightforward, move the earth around me and do it quickly. No business talks, no angry customers, no bullshit. Do it, do it well, get paid well. My back hurt only for the first few minutes, after that it just seemed to let go and release, letting me work in peace. My muscles all felt healthy and active, and after a quick swim and even a workout later in the day I still feel fantastic.

I enjoy digging I've discovered. It's so simple, you just lose yourself to the scrape of the shovel and the motions lulls your muscles into a content working pace. You feel like you're really doing something, you see the results instantly and what you can do with them is incredible. You feel like you're part of something bigger, like some sort of union or a bigger socialist movement. You're together, united somehow. I can't explain it but I enjoy the feeling. Maybe there's a future with it somewhere, who knows.

I had a really, really great day. Most of the money I earned is spent or gas in my truck, but I'm still so pleased with the way everything went. I want more days like these.

I'm going to bed tired, but for the first time and what seems like years, completely content. It's odd, but I think I'll manage.

July is coming, with it an unwelcome anniversary. I just want it to melt by.